Monday, May 20, 2013

Just Assume It's Pee: Simple Truths and Lessons Learned



I woke up this morning and realized that I’m going to be thirty in a little over six months. Thirty is this Bermuda Triangle where a lifetime of expectation and reality meet.I find myself more and more anxious for the big three-oh. I know myself, my needs and my capabilities a million times better today than I did a couple years ago and if self awareness and confidence are the side-effects of getting older, I’ve got three words for you: sign me up. Truthfully, I thought my life would be a lot different than it is. I did not anticipate ushering in my thirties as a single lady flying solo in Los Angeles- but every day I become more and more impressed with the person that I’ve become. It’s not that I’m Mother Theresa or anything, but for the sheltered girl from Lake Elsinore who assumed I’d be a married stay-at-home mom by the time I was twenty-three, I’ve grown a lot. It’s not that I’ve figured everything out, but there’s a lot of stuff that I have figured out.


Nothing is ever worth the extra five minutes of sleep..
Not only will the extra five minutes do absolutely nothing for you- but it’s just not worth it. It’s not worth it to be late for stuff. Parked on the street? That extra five minutes is JUST about the time that the little City of Los Angeles Parking Enforcement Car is making the rounds. Sidebar: for those who are new to parking in Los Angeles, read the damn signs- those meter-maids are RELENTLESS. Parking aside, there is always some sort of unexpected snafu that occurs as I’m walking out the door, those extra five minutes- that’s my snafu margin. As a pet owner I’ve learned the five-minutes rule the hard way. I have laid in bed and convinced myself that Nigel is just being antsy or that Henry heard a noise and wants to investigate. Either way it always ends with me stomping on paper towels or playing the “name that smell” game, which leads me to my second point....


Just assume it's pee...
Oh the lies that we pet owners tell ourselves, just to avoid this simple concept. It’s probably not a leak from the dishwasher or a wet spot from me running out of the shower to answer my phone. It’s pee. We all know it, just assume it and save yourself the trouble. Don’t get into weird crampy crawl positions to do the sniff-test. I love my pups, but I live in a one bedroom apartment with no balcony, accidents happen- I’ve got my handy portable carpet shampooer and a jumbo tub of Nature’s Miracle on hand at all times. If you live on carpet, I highly recommend the Bissell Spot Bot. Moving on...

Candles are the perfect gifts...
I’m a total candle nerd and I buy GOOD candles. It’s a problem. Even when I was a poor college student, I managed to find the funds to keep my house smelling like Henry Bendel Quince candles. It was ALL OVER when I discovered Capri Blue and Voluspa. I still can’t pass up the Bath and Body Works sales on three-wick candles. It’s all good. Candles as a very personal gift and a luxury that most people won’t spend on. A beautifully scented candle in a beautiful jar (not a Yankee Candle, guys) is just wonderful.


I buy things that put a smile on my face and make me feel good...
I just bought a tote bag from West Elm that has pictures of goats on it along with the caption “Totes Ma Goats”- it was $18 and I regret nothing. I’m looking at it right now, and it is just the best thing ever. If it makes your soul feel good and you can afford it, buy it and display it. This mindset is how I ended up with a Waffle House mug, a lucky wooden seal miniature and an Admiral Akbar figurine.

I don’t convince myself to feel romantic
It’s pretty self explanatory, but not everybody is meant to date and not everybody I’ve realized this. It’s not about being an asshole and hurting feelings- but more or less, knowing myself well enough to know that if I have to convince myself to go on a second date, I’m already over it. It’s okay to not be into a guy and it’s OK for a guy to not be into me. It’s OK to think they may be a great friend, but it’s also OK to not be friends too. I’ve allotted far too much mental real estate trying to convince myself to get psyched about some guys and some dates- and if I’m not organically psyched- it’s just not worth it.

The list is every growing, who knows I may look back on my fortieth birthday and laugh at myself. As I get older I become more comfortable in my own skin, with my choices and my life. While I may not have is 100% together and my dogs still pee on the carpet occasionally- I’m looking forward to the upcoming decade.