It’s pretty early in the day so it’s pretty empty- which is just the way I like it. I love kids, I want to have kids of my own someday... but... I don’t love kids running in circles, screaming and throwing tantrums in public places. I am, however, a big fan of precocious little tykes that like to showboat sweet dance moves or sing songs. I’d feel like a hypocrite if I didn’t. I used to dress up in my dance recital costumes and put on performances at my great grandpa Springer’s old folks’ home. Because that’s what the poor dying old people really want, a peppy six year-old dressed like a mermaid singing Wind Beneath My Wings... while tap dancing and pretending to actually know what’s going on in the movie Dirty Dancing. I don’t mind those kids. There’s also the usual cast of characters that you see at any kind of place that is providing a necessary service- the bachelors, the incredibly uncomfortable lot that are just trying to clean their drapes, the college kids, the young marrieds, etc... Did I mention the laundromat I go to also has an ice cream vending machine? Because it does.
|One of my greates tap-dancing mermaid performances to date.|
Being Codependent doesn’t mean that you just want to be around somebody all the time or that you cling to people- as I frequently and incorrectly have thought. It’s a problem of putting my needs second to the needs of others. Getting overly involved and drawn into the affairs of other people and it’s something that I’ve been dealing with for a while. When I’d have a friend, family member or boyfriend go through something, I would take on the burden as well and have a very hard time separating myself. I was the first person in my group of friends to go through a divorce- and subsequently with every friend that has had a terrible break-up, I’ve gone through it with them and felt the pain and stress of my own divorce over and over again. After my Dad passed away, I took it on myself to be completely consumed with how my mother was coping and her choices. Who was she dating? Would she finally decide to become an empowered feminist? Why does she need to get her nails done so much? Completely consumed. I had a housemate that had major hoarding tendencies, and instead of just leaving the toxic situation and moving on- I put myself through six months of torture living in a house that smelled like cat whiz with piles of junk everywhere trying to “fix” him.
|My Kindle make it damn near impossible to ignore reading recommendations.|
Essentially, I’ve spent a lot of time concerned about other people and very little time being concerned about myself. It’s a control issue to be honest. People in my live become these special snowflakes and their issues just consume me. I’m working on letting go of that. When I’m in relationships, I frequently lose myself. Not that I become a different person and start wearing hot pink mini skirts, but, I frequently find myself adjusting to their schedule, their needs and I end up kind of being this on-call girlfriend who is making sacrifices. I end up waiting for a dude to tell me when to come around, waiting for communication, trying to be the “cool girlfriend” to the point that I “cool girlfriend” myself into misery and end up in these relationships that are completely unbalanced. Being a very busy and motivated person, I tend to date people that are also very busy- but I seem to have the habit of dropping everything and falling off the face of the earth when I’m having “couple time”. This is a habit that has got to change. I can’t continue to be consumed with other people’s problems, choices and behaviors. I can only control and be concerned with myself, my behavior and my reactions. It’s about setting boundaries and listening to the instincts that point me in a good direction.
|What goes in the wash...|