Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The Four-Eyed Brain Trust

Derek Cardigan #7014 in Black/Rootbeer / Coastal Contacts
 I’ve never been a contacts person. My parents were proud eyeglass aficionados and at fifteen, I too joined the ranks of the bespectacled. In a magical hallway that exists in my imagination, there are pictures of all of the great four-eyed people of the past and now I was going to nuzzle in somewhere in between Buddy Holly and Dame Edna. I was ecstatic. The optometrist in Lake Elsinore didn’t exactly have the most stylish of frames- it was 1998 and chunky and large glasses were few and far between- I was either going to look like the bad guy from Who Framed Roger Rabbit or Sophia from the Golden Girls. For a little nerdette like myself who grew up loving every pair of glasses I’d seen on Nick-at-Nite, it was frustrating. All I wanted was to look like I was being on the stand during a McCarthyism trial- was that so hard to provide? Come on 1998, hook a sister up.

My second pair of glasses, senior year of high school 2001.
I had these Prada frames for years. This is my birthday November 2009
Prada PR 07IV in Havana / Prada

My first pair were the low maintenance wire frame that kind of had a very faint cat-eye vibe. They were a pink metal color and I was never crazy about them. Two years later during my senior year of high school I discovered the joys of acetate frames that would make Rivers Cuomo proud- it was also the year that Weezer’s self-titled “Green Album” was released, coincidence? Nature vs. nurture? Either way, it was all downhill form there. While more teenagers dreaded having to wear vision corrective glasses, for me, it felt like Christmas.
"College" in Brown / GlassesUSA
  I’ve always delighted in my “otherness”, so, for me, glasses were just one more addition to the list of quirks that completed me; therefore, when I am asked by the optometrist if I want to be measured for contacts, the answer was always a resounding “no”. As a mater-of-fact the first time I ever wore contacts was last Halloween when I donned a zombie Amy Winehouse costume. While I admit my first contact experience probably should not have been a pair of zombie white contacts I purchased from the hole-in-the-wall store I buy my weaves from, I was still not sold on contacts for anything other than costumes. I felt like such a dumb-dumb trying to put in contacts and I actually had to have my housemate’s girlfriend put them in for me while I stood there painted green and faux decaying in a huge Amy Winehouse weave prying my eye open while Brittany gently placed the contacts in. It was terrifying for me, but I’m sure if it would have been hilarious to any onlookers.

First experience wearing contact lenses as Zombie Winehouse.

 Back to glasses, It’s interesting to kind of adopt and love a necessary accessory that so many teenagers associate the same attractiveness level as braces with headgear. It’s especially interesting to start wearing spectacles around the time that most young women are starting to goof around with make-up. I remember my mother telling me that since girls like us have glasses, we really needed to “bring it” in the eyeshadow department- and my beautiful mother still wears her dark eyeshadow up to her brow bone to remind anybody she should happen upon that she has eyes behind the lenses. I think I was about eighteen when I came to the miraculous conclusion that glasses are clear and you can actually just do your make-up as you normally would and people will see your eyes just fine. That’s my “glasses” beauty tip- just do your make-up as you normally would and if you have long lashes, let your mascara dry first.

Easily the most expensive pair of glasses I've ever owned, a Christmas present from my mom the month after my Dad passed away.
“Clarice” in Green Tortoise / LaFont Re:Edition
As a woman of almost twenty-nine, my glasses have become such a part of my identity. I really couldn’t imagine myself without my specs. I’ve met a ton of glasses nerds in the past few years as well- we all stop each other and dish about our glasses. One of the coolest things that I’ve experienced was when Lisa Loeb walked up to me, complimented my glasses and geeked out with me about frames for like five minutes. The idea that “guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses” is complete and total bullshit, and I can tell you that from first hand experience and it’s not just dudes with a weird librarian fetish. The majority of my friends also wear glasses, we call ourselves the “four-eyed brian trust”. I recently discovered that I can actually find frames that I love for very affordable prices online- and it’s been a major exercise in self-control to not just buy a new pair every week. So to my four-eyed people worldwide- high five yourselves, because you are super fly. Keep wearing your glasses with style. The four-eyed brain trust is always accepting new members.

 Derek Cardigan #7010 Frames in Tortoise / Coastal Contacts

1 comment:

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